The Shackles are broken

Monday I received the best news of my life...I am clean of cancer. My Pet Scan came back as we all prayed it would with no cancer activity anywhere in my body. This news is still sinking in and soon I am sure it will hit me hard. I still have to complete my treatments which I only have 3 more to go and around a month after my last treatment they still plan to put me through two weeks of low dose radiation. Piece of Cake! I have gotten through the worst of this and now I am just coasting down hill! Part of me still feels stuck still with having to complete my treatments but I understand why. The type of Hodgkins Lymphoma that I had was considered "Bulky" which means my Lymph nodes were beyond abnormally large. The rest of the treatments and radiation should bring them down to normal size. Through out my treatments they have been shrinking each time and I am glad for that because it was very uncomfortable at the beginning when they were so large. I would breathe in an feel them press into my throat and against my lungs. I am so glad God has healed me. You might say, no, the medicine and treatments healed you, but I say that they could have failed. The fact that I have gone through this without heart damage, lung damage, damage to my throat, my skin, eyes or anything else the chemo is known to affect tells me that either I am made of tough stuff or that God had kept me from it all by making me tough. Look at it however you want to, but I know my God and I know he has never forsaken me. I have been through a lot in my young life but I know God would not put me through what he has if it wasn't for nothing. There is a plan in the making and my life is still being written. My heart is full of dreams and goals that I want to see accomplished. Thank you everyone for your support, thoughts and prayers. God is so good.

Shannon

Thankful

Every week I get statements in the mail from my insurance showing what was billed and how much they covered. A few days ago I opened up a statement and was blown away how much my treatments and blood work labs cost for the month of April. I began to think of how much my insurance has covered so far for all that I have gone through... The scans, tests, surgery, blood work, exams and medicine and I felt so humble and thankful and broke down. Two years ago I didn't have health insurance because I thought I didn't need it and it was so expensive. For some reason jaime and I felt the need to get me on health insurance and looking back now what a world of hurt we would be in financially if I had not made the decision. I know God was getting me ready to go through what I am going through now. Not only that but two years ago I made up my mind to get healthy and lost 50 pounds and was trying to eat healthy and excecise. Again, God was getting me prepared to be strong enough to go through this. This month of June marks one year from the first time I found the bump on my neck not knowing what I know now that I had cancer. It took me 6 months before I got it looked at by a legitiment doctor (I did go to the doc in the box but obviously they didn't diagnose me correctly) and I am thankful that that lenghth of time was not too long to get me treated. Looking back on all of this shows me that God had me in his hand the whole time and so in the midst of what I am going through should tell me that I am in his hands even now and should trust him with my healing. I worry sometimes that the treatments wont get all the cancer and that I will have to go through more and more treatments. But that is stupid worring because God has already proved to me that he has everything under control. He promised me that I will be okay and I dont know why I think about that. But then again the enemy would love to get me to feel fear and have doubt...but Iam not ignorant to his tricks. So I choose to see all of blessings in my life, I will choose to have a right attitude about everything and not complain. I choose to live my life with the expectancy that I will have full and complete restoration in my life. I choose to not get bitter, I choose to love to care and to serve God despite the hand I have been delt. So I will continue to walk this road broken or not. Shannon

Counting on one hand!

Chemo number 7...done! 5 more to go and I will be done with chemo. So far, this last chemo has not been too bad but I might have spoke too early knock on wood! My doctor has already ordered me to have a PET scan done after the next chemo to see if there is any cancer activity any more. My lymph-nodes are still "bulky" but have shrunk considerably. I talked to my doctor about if there is any possibility of not having to go through radiation but he still thinks that is a very slim chance. Even after chemo is done, there will be sporadic cancer cells here and there that the radiation will take care of. Taking the radiation will put me at risk for Thyroid and even Breast cancer. But, no matter what the doctors say, everything is still in Gods hands and in his plan. I finally feel like I am on the home stretch...a little more than two months to go and I will be free from taking chemo. Sometimes it feels like this will never end and then you look up and find you made it through the hardest part of the journey. I have faith that God will heal me and that I will have complete recovery from everything I have gone through. My scars will heal, hair will grow back and my energy will be in full swing! I have prayed that God would protect my body from having the harsh side effects that could happen when taking chemo and so far I am just fine. The chemo I am taking can damage your heart, lungs, throat and nerves. Thank you lord for sparing me! I am claiming all of God's promises for me and will be looking forward to the day when I get the news that I am in remission and cancer free. It looks like there will be one more huge blessing that will come out of this ordeal and I will be awaiting that news to come too, and when it does, 6 + years of prayer will be answered.

When you pray for me, pray that the PET scan will come back with the best results possible...I will be getting that done on the 11th of June.

Thank you everyone for your kindness, visits, gifts and food. Thank you most of all for your prayers.

Shannon

The half way point

This tuesday marks the halfway point in my chemotherapy treatments with two weeks after that of low dose radiation. Two weeks ago I had a CT scan done and this Thursday learned the results. Everything showed that the lymph nodes were all shrinking letting them know that the chemo is doing its job and I am right on track. I had hoped it would have showed better results but I have to realize that some things just have to work in Gods timing and not what I want. I had also hoped my doctor would give me the okay to start attending church services again but he told me that would not be a good idea. I am still very suseptable to catching anything and everything out there once the chemo destroys my immune system and it takes time for my body to rebuild and get ready for the next treatment. Getting sick or infected would just delay my treatment and delay this whole process. I miss church so much, the praise and worship, my friends and family...singing and hearing my pastor preach. Lets just say those things mean a whole lot more to me now then when I wasnt restricted. But i am thankful for where i am at. I am alive, bave wonderful friends and family and so much support from all around me. I have learned who my true friends are, who loves me and misses me. Those people know who they are. Thank you all for your kindness, cards and flowers and visits! Without you guys I would have a hard time with this journey. I am so thankful that God has never left me alone in this and that he continues to bring healing in his own way. Shannon

When you find your fight

I am so grateful for the weeks in between chemos...It seems that its that stretch of time that I can draw up my strength (mental and physical) and feel like I can slay the dragon once more. When your mind is clear and you make your decisions with that clarity, you can remind your self when the times are tough that I didn't choose to fight this on a whim...it was decided when I was in my right mind. My pastor preached a message about that when it comes to living for God. When you make your way to an alter and make the decision to live for God, its because your head finally became clear enough to see what you needed in your life. So, its with a clear head (finally...chemo makes me ditsy hehe) that I can think about what I am doing and say yes! I can do this! I can go at this again and I have faith that its not just chemo running through my blood, but the powerful blood of Christ that cleanses and heals. I'm not just anybody...I am His daughter and no cancer and no devil can come on me accept He lets it. For that reason I know that there is a bigger reason that I am going through this. If its to try and test me, I hope to pass the test because I don't want to retake this one! If it has nothing to do with me at all but about my Church, family or friends in my life, I will be a servant and let God do his work. One of the few times that I know God spoke to me was when I kept praying for something that I wanted to happen out of my own selfish want...God's reply to my prayer was "Don't you think I know what I am doing more than you?". I didn't pray that prayer again after that! I realized God wanted me to understand that he knows what is best better than I do and to trust him because he's at work and what I want is not what is best. I believe in God's healing power, but even if I had a huge amount of faith to be healed right now, if its not God's will, how can it be done? I have had one promise given to me through all of this and I think about it when I begin to feel so low...that I will be okay. I was not promised to not feel pain...to not be depressed or to go through this without it being hard. I was promised that I would be okay.

So, with these promises, realizations and understandings that I draw out my sword and look this cancer square in the eyes and say "you might have won a battle over me....but I will win the war!"

Shannon

Life keeps going

I will be 26 in a couple days (April 15th), and I am actually glad for getting older. A year older says I am alive and that things keep on moving. I think about how I only have 4 chemo's under my belt and 8 more to go and I cringe. Hats off to anyone who has gone through cancer treatment, its a doozy! This last treatment I had on Tuesday has me still wiped out today. I have been working half days now and that seems all I can do. I'm just so tired. My taste buds are completely gone except I can taste sour things and sweet things....guess which one I lean toward when selecting food! I keep reminding myself that God is in control of all of this and he knows how much I can handle. I don't feel tough, but I know what I am going through is so tough. I pray for healing to come...that the chemo is working extra good and that they might shorten my treatments. I looked at the calendar and found that if every treatment goes according to schedule, I will be done with them by July 31st. and on to radiation for two weeks after that. I don't have much else to say, my head wont allow me to think up witty or inspirational sayings right now...it just wants to rest! Love all of you my family and friends, thanks for all your encouragement and prayers. I need it all more now everyday.

Shannon

He calms the storm

Psalm 107:28-29
"Then they cry unto the Lord in their trouble, and he bringeth them out of their distresses. He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still..."

I don't know how many times or moments during this ordeal that I have had to cry to God for help. Not because I physically hurt or feel my life slipping, but because of the mind game you go through with this. Granted, most of the mind game is my fault, but a part of it you cant help. You feel like you are tossed at sea and you don't know how to stay afloat...the turmoil of your emotions and the feeling of helplessness becomes overwhelming. The reality of your situation can be maddening but when I get to that point, there is only one way to turn, and that is to the maker of the storm. I heard a preacher talk about how God will put you through a storm, not to hurt you, but to make you better...to get you to a place where he can bless you. Storms are not created to pull you apart, but to make you stronger and closer to God. This is definitely a learning process. I wonder sometimes if I am passing the test...am I getting to where God wants me? I know one thing is for sure, this storm is not allowed to leave me until I make it bless me. Just like Jacob wrestled with an Angel and wouldn't let go until he got a blessing, I wont let this pass me by without seeing good come of this.

Sometimes I feel like this cancer has taken so much from me. I am in confinement, and cant go to church where there is crowds. I cant have my cat live inside anymore (maybe that is not a bad thing). I cant have cheese...my hair is still falling out. But, I refuse to dwell on that which is lost and look at what I still have. I still have enough hair on my head to cover it, I still have my life! I have a promise of a cure, I have my family, friends and wonderful husband still supporting me and encouraging me. I can do this...I can make it through.

With 9 more treatments and 2 weeks of radiation left, I have a long 5 months to go. I need to stay on track with my treatments to make this happen and that means taking care of myself and not getting sick. As I accumulate more chemo in my body with more treatments, the more tired I will become after each treatment. I will have to take more time off work to rest and I am thankful for such a good work family that encourages me to take care of myself. I have to keep reminding myself that this is a season in my life and It wont last forever.

Thank you everyone for all your support and prayers...I need it! Love you all.

Shannon