Saturday, October 20, 2012

Already a month!

This Monday will mark one month since I had my last cancer treatment. From February till July 31 I had chemo, one month break then four weeks of radiation after that. 10 months since diagnosis...so happy to be done! Looking back on it all seems so hazy...I cant believe I have been through it all and I am now at the other end in remission. Of course I will never forget; all I have to do is look in the mirror and see my scars and I am reminded of God's grace. I still don't know the full reason why he allowed this to happen to me, I don't think any of us will fully understand half the things we go through till the day we have that walk with him on streets of gold and he tells us the story of our lives by his perspective. One thing I am reminded daily though...to trust God with all of my life and to let him do what he needs to do so I can be used by him. Sometimes we feel hurt by God, not understanding why so much pain, so much sorrow. God gently reminds me that he is not finished with my story yet...trust him and in the end the outcome will be beautiful. I have many unanswered prayers, dreams and hopes. Some prayers have been prayed for years. I do know that when God, in his timing, answers them...life will never be the same. But I will wait on him to open those doors and again, trust him that he knows what he is doing. I have my whole life before me, a new beginning and a wonderful supporting husband and family to share and enjoy it with. What more could I want? What more do I need? Life is not about accumulating stuff...its about accumulating relationships, friendships. The title to my blog I got from one of my favorite songs by Selah. I picked it because it is the story of my life. Really above it all, I want a relationship with God.

 I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love, along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two wipe my brow and kept pushing through
 I couldn't see how every sign, pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream, led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God you've blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent, just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan, that is coming true

Every long lost dream, led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know, know is true
That God you've blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I'm just rolling home
Into your loving arms
This much I know, know is true
That God, you've blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes, God, you've blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Not over yet...

I am so happy that i am done with chemo... The hardest part of this journey is over. I dont have to hide myself away at home anymore but can step into the light and see the sunshine! I still have my germ phobia but that might be a good thing still... Its not good to get sick anyway. Its been nice to be able to go shopping and eat in restaurants! Its been nice to be able to pet my cat and not worry about her getting me sick. Most of all its been the best thing to be able to attend church again! I have missed it so much. You never appreciate something till its taken away from you. I am happy, but i am also sad. Things are coming to realization now that i am on the other end of this. I am no longer fighting for my life... Now i am looking at the rest of my life and how that will be. This past tuesday i had a consultation with my radiologist who showed me the before and after scans of my body. What a difference... I had no idea that my airway had shifted over because of the swollen lymph nodes pushed it over. The after pics showed it lined up again but man, it was crazy to see. My radiologist explained to me that going through with radiation makes my body open to getting other cancers later on in life. But, apparently not getting it puts me more at risk of this coming back. Part of me gets angry that i now have to live the rest of my life with this threat. How is it fair? What did i do so horrible in life that i have to endure this? But, the other side of me says God didnt bring you through this, let you be a survivor just to kill you off! Seriously Shannon, haven't you learned to trust God with everything yet? Sigh...yes, I Need to lean on him when i have no control. The doctors are threatening to put me through 4-5 weeks of radiation...i dont think so. I have one more CT scan before they decide my treatment plan. I am believing that this scan will be awesome...i believe its going to blow their 4-5 weeks to pieces. I dont want to endure that, i want to not even have radiation...but if i have to go through with it, its going to be the 2 weeks they origonally thought, none of this 4-5 week junk. I want to see them scratch their heads and say "we dont know how, but....". So if you would pray with me, that my scan comes back with all my lymph nodes the right size...we will watch those doctors scratch their heads in disbelief. I am not afraid to tell them either that although i am thankful for all they have done for me, i have another doctor that heals me without the need of machines and tools...the very one who created this body is completely capable of fixing anything wrong with it. I am just looking forward to the day when i can go a whole day without thinking of cancer, doctor appointments and treatments. Keep me in your prayers because its just not over yet. Shannon

Monday, July 2, 2012

Miracle

For those who don't believe in miracles, don't bother reading, but for those who believe that the hand of God can reach down and touch you, heal you, I have to tell you what happened...

I have been having very bad back pain over the last 4 weeks. I cant contribute it to anything I was doing, eating, not doing...but the pain would come usually around two in the morning and continue for an hour and a half or until the pain pills would kick in, and even then the pain was only dulled. I say this to only get you a picture of how it was affecting me, but one episode left my whole back on fire and even felt like it was in my chest. All Jaime could do was hold me why I cried and moaned not knowing why, what was wrong and why God would not relieve this. That night I had a glimpse of why some people commit suicide...It was that intense. The most recent episodes of this were three nights in a row and it felt like it would continue on and on. My thought of this was that as my lymph nodes are shrinking they might be also shifting and one might be putting pressure on nerves in my back when my body would relax and settle. Regardless, I couldn't continue like this...popping pain pills and losing sleep. This Saturday I had gotten a text from my pastor telling me he had prayed for me for a long time. That night I was able to sleep without pain put still woke up early in the morning, unable to sleep. The devil must have been mad that a hedge was being put around me with prayer. That Sunday night as Jaime left for church, I got down and prayed that God would heal me of whatever was wrong with me...to take it away or help me figure out what I am doing to create the pain. I lay down on my bed and began to listen to some online preaching and what do ya know, it was about healing. At the end of listening to the sermon, something came over me. I felt something shift in my back and it was like a round ball was breaking to the surface in the skin of my back, it rolled down my back and it felt like it broke through my skin and was gone. It did not hurt, it was so soft- like feeling, but I went crazy tearing off my clothes thinking that a mouse had made its way in my shirt and was now scurrying somewhere in my clothes or in my bed. It felt that real. I patted down my clothes, my bed, my back...nothing. Already having stripped myself, I figure I might as well take a shower to calm myself or what, I don't know. There, in the shower, it dawned on me that God had answered my prayer and had taken out of me what was causing me pain. I told God right there that I claimed that as my healing...I began to cry and God's presence came down over me like a wave...all I could do was cry and speak in tongues. I felt so unworthy of his touch, but so grateful. When Jaime got home I told him what happened to me and I was amazed to learn something happened to him too. He to was having some work related back pain and when he was in church that night, something tugged his shirt, in the area that he has had pain. He said no one was around him to do that, and it was such a noticeable tug that he couldn't rule it out as a fluke. He accepted that it happened but it wasn't until I told him my story that he understood the reason for the tug. I realize that sometimes God makes you go through things so that you can experience his glory...his healing and his love for you. God has never forgotten me...even in the midst of wanting to somehow end the pain I was experiencing, God was there. Believe what you want, but I know, God healed me, took out a lymph node with a master surgeons hands and relived me of my pain. All I can say is I am so grateful, humble and in awe of such a great God.

Friday, June 22, 2012

The Shackles are broken

Monday I received the best news of my life...I am clean of cancer. My Pet Scan came back as we all prayed it would with no cancer activity anywhere in my body. This news is still sinking in and soon I am sure it will hit me hard. I still have to complete my treatments which I only have 3 more to go and around a month after my last treatment they still plan to put me through two weeks of low dose radiation. Piece of Cake! I have gotten through the worst of this and now I am just coasting down hill! Part of me still feels stuck still with having to complete my treatments but I understand why. The type of Hodgkins Lymphoma that I had was considered "Bulky" which means my Lymph nodes were beyond abnormally large. The rest of the treatments and radiation should bring them down to normal size. Through out my treatments they have been shrinking each time and I am glad for that because it was very uncomfortable at the beginning when they were so large. I would breathe in an feel them press into my throat and against my lungs. I am so glad God has healed me. You might say, no, the medicine and treatments healed you, but I say that they could have failed. The fact that I have gone through this without heart damage, lung damage, damage to my throat, my skin, eyes or anything else the chemo is known to affect tells me that either I am made of tough stuff or that God had kept me from it all by making me tough. Look at it however you want to, but I know my God and I know he has never forsaken me. I have been through a lot in my young life but I know God would not put me through what he has if it wasn't for nothing. There is a plan in the making and my life is still being written. My heart is full of dreams and goals that I want to see accomplished. Thank you everyone for your support, thoughts and prayers. God is so good.

Shannon

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Thankful

Every week I get statements in the mail from my insurance showing what was billed and how much they covered. A few days ago I opened up a statement and was blown away how much my treatments and blood work labs cost for the month of April. I began to think of how much my insurance has covered so far for all that I have gone through... The scans, tests, surgery, blood work, exams and medicine and I felt so humble and thankful and broke down. Two years ago I didn't have health insurance because I thought I didn't need it and it was so expensive. For some reason jaime and I felt the need to get me on health insurance and looking back now what a world of hurt we would be in financially if I had not made the decision. I know God was getting me ready to go through what I am going through now. Not only that but two years ago I made up my mind to get healthy and lost 50 pounds and was trying to eat healthy and excecise. Again, God was getting me prepared to be strong enough to go through this. This month of June marks one year from the first time I found the bump on my neck not knowing what I know now that I had cancer. It took me 6 months before I got it looked at by a legitiment doctor (I did go to the doc in the box but obviously they didn't diagnose me correctly) and I am thankful that that lenghth of time was not too long to get me treated. Looking back on all of this shows me that God had me in his hand the whole time and so in the midst of what I am going through should tell me that I am in his hands even now and should trust him with my healing. I worry sometimes that the treatments wont get all the cancer and that I will have to go through more and more treatments. But that is stupid worring because God has already proved to me that he has everything under control. He promised me that I will be okay and I dont know why I think about that. But then again the enemy would love to get me to feel fear and have doubt...but Iam not ignorant to his tricks. So I choose to see all of blessings in my life, I will choose to have a right attitude about everything and not complain. I choose to live my life with the expectancy that I will have full and complete restoration in my life. I choose to not get bitter, I choose to love to care and to serve God despite the hand I have been delt. So I will continue to walk this road broken or not. Shannon

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Counting on one hand!

Chemo number 7...done! 5 more to go and I will be done with chemo. So far, this last chemo has not been too bad but I might have spoke too early knock on wood! My doctor has already ordered me to have a PET scan done after the next chemo to see if there is any cancer activity any more. My lymph-nodes are still "bulky" but have shrunk considerably. I talked to my doctor about if there is any possibility of not having to go through radiation but he still thinks that is a very slim chance. Even after chemo is done, there will be sporadic cancer cells here and there that the radiation will take care of. Taking the radiation will put me at risk for Thyroid and even Breast cancer. But, no matter what the doctors say, everything is still in Gods hands and in his plan. I finally feel like I am on the home stretch...a little more than two months to go and I will be free from taking chemo. Sometimes it feels like this will never end and then you look up and find you made it through the hardest part of the journey. I have faith that God will heal me and that I will have complete recovery from everything I have gone through. My scars will heal, hair will grow back and my energy will be in full swing! I have prayed that God would protect my body from having the harsh side effects that could happen when taking chemo and so far I am just fine. The chemo I am taking can damage your heart, lungs, throat and nerves. Thank you lord for sparing me! I am claiming all of God's promises for me and will be looking forward to the day when I get the news that I am in remission and cancer free. It looks like there will be one more huge blessing that will come out of this ordeal and I will be awaiting that news to come too, and when it does, 6 + years of prayer will be answered.

When you pray for me, pray that the PET scan will come back with the best results possible...I will be getting that done on the 11th of June.

Thank you everyone for your kindness, visits, gifts and food. Thank you most of all for your prayers.

Shannon

Sunday, May 6, 2012

The half way point

This tuesday marks the halfway point in my chemotherapy treatments with two weeks after that of low dose radiation. Two weeks ago I had a CT scan done and this Thursday learned the results. Everything showed that the lymph nodes were all shrinking letting them know that the chemo is doing its job and I am right on track. I had hoped it would have showed better results but I have to realize that some things just have to work in Gods timing and not what I want. I had also hoped my doctor would give me the okay to start attending church services again but he told me that would not be a good idea. I am still very suseptable to catching anything and everything out there once the chemo destroys my immune system and it takes time for my body to rebuild and get ready for the next treatment. Getting sick or infected would just delay my treatment and delay this whole process. I miss church so much, the praise and worship, my friends and family...singing and hearing my pastor preach. Lets just say those things mean a whole lot more to me now then when I wasnt restricted. But i am thankful for where i am at. I am alive, bave wonderful friends and family and so much support from all around me. I have learned who my true friends are, who loves me and misses me. Those people know who they are. Thank you all for your kindness, cards and flowers and visits! Without you guys I would have a hard time with this journey. I am so thankful that God has never left me alone in this and that he continues to bring healing in his own way. Shannon

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

When you find your fight

I am so grateful for the weeks in between chemos...It seems that its that stretch of time that I can draw up my strength (mental and physical) and feel like I can slay the dragon once more. When your mind is clear and you make your decisions with that clarity, you can remind your self when the times are tough that I didn't choose to fight this on a whim...it was decided when I was in my right mind. My pastor preached a message about that when it comes to living for God. When you make your way to an alter and make the decision to live for God, its because your head finally became clear enough to see what you needed in your life. So, its with a clear head (finally...chemo makes me ditsy hehe) that I can think about what I am doing and say yes! I can do this! I can go at this again and I have faith that its not just chemo running through my blood, but the powerful blood of Christ that cleanses and heals. I'm not just anybody...I am His daughter and no cancer and no devil can come on me accept He lets it. For that reason I know that there is a bigger reason that I am going through this. If its to try and test me, I hope to pass the test because I don't want to retake this one! If it has nothing to do with me at all but about my Church, family or friends in my life, I will be a servant and let God do his work. One of the few times that I know God spoke to me was when I kept praying for something that I wanted to happen out of my own selfish want...God's reply to my prayer was "Don't you think I know what I am doing more than you?". I didn't pray that prayer again after that! I realized God wanted me to understand that he knows what is best better than I do and to trust him because he's at work and what I want is not what is best. I believe in God's healing power, but even if I had a huge amount of faith to be healed right now, if its not God's will, how can it be done? I have had one promise given to me through all of this and I think about it when I begin to feel so low...that I will be okay. I was not promised to not feel pain...to not be depressed or to go through this without it being hard. I was promised that I would be okay.

So, with these promises, realizations and understandings that I draw out my sword and look this cancer square in the eyes and say "you might have won a battle over me....but I will win the war!"

Shannon

Friday, April 13, 2012

Life keeps going

I will be 26 in a couple days (April 15th), and I am actually glad for getting older. A year older says I am alive and that things keep on moving. I think about how I only have 4 chemo's under my belt and 8 more to go and I cringe. Hats off to anyone who has gone through cancer treatment, its a doozy! This last treatment I had on Tuesday has me still wiped out today. I have been working half days now and that seems all I can do. I'm just so tired. My taste buds are completely gone except I can taste sour things and sweet things....guess which one I lean toward when selecting food! I keep reminding myself that God is in control of all of this and he knows how much I can handle. I don't feel tough, but I know what I am going through is so tough. I pray for healing to come...that the chemo is working extra good and that they might shorten my treatments. I looked at the calendar and found that if every treatment goes according to schedule, I will be done with them by July 31st. and on to radiation for two weeks after that. I don't have much else to say, my head wont allow me to think up witty or inspirational sayings right now...it just wants to rest! Love all of you my family and friends, thanks for all your encouragement and prayers. I need it all more now everyday.

Shannon

Sunday, April 1, 2012

He calms the storm

Psalm 107:28-29
"Then they cry unto the Lord in their trouble, and he bringeth them out of their distresses. He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still..."

I don't know how many times or moments during this ordeal that I have had to cry to God for help. Not because I physically hurt or feel my life slipping, but because of the mind game you go through with this. Granted, most of the mind game is my fault, but a part of it you cant help. You feel like you are tossed at sea and you don't know how to stay afloat...the turmoil of your emotions and the feeling of helplessness becomes overwhelming. The reality of your situation can be maddening but when I get to that point, there is only one way to turn, and that is to the maker of the storm. I heard a preacher talk about how God will put you through a storm, not to hurt you, but to make you better...to get you to a place where he can bless you. Storms are not created to pull you apart, but to make you stronger and closer to God. This is definitely a learning process. I wonder sometimes if I am passing the test...am I getting to where God wants me? I know one thing is for sure, this storm is not allowed to leave me until I make it bless me. Just like Jacob wrestled with an Angel and wouldn't let go until he got a blessing, I wont let this pass me by without seeing good come of this.

Sometimes I feel like this cancer has taken so much from me. I am in confinement, and cant go to church where there is crowds. I cant have my cat live inside anymore (maybe that is not a bad thing). I cant have cheese...my hair is still falling out. But, I refuse to dwell on that which is lost and look at what I still have. I still have enough hair on my head to cover it, I still have my life! I have a promise of a cure, I have my family, friends and wonderful husband still supporting me and encouraging me. I can do this...I can make it through.

With 9 more treatments and 2 weeks of radiation left, I have a long 5 months to go. I need to stay on track with my treatments to make this happen and that means taking care of myself and not getting sick. As I accumulate more chemo in my body with more treatments, the more tired I will become after each treatment. I will have to take more time off work to rest and I am thankful for such a good work family that encourages me to take care of myself. I have to keep reminding myself that this is a season in my life and It wont last forever.

Thank you everyone for all your support and prayers...I need it! Love you all.

Shannon

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Sigh.....

Well, I got the flu and all that comes with it the morning of chemo no less! I had to go into the doctors, even though I did not feel like it, to see what they wanted to do with me. The Doctor comes into see me and gives me a grand scolding telling me that I am under no circumstances to be around crowds of people and to wash my hands, sanitize and eat "clean" meaning no more Mexican food hehe. Unfortunately this means for the rest of my treatment since this setback has been one too many. I have only had two cycles of chemo and ten more to go! I hung my head shameful telling him that the flu had been going around in church and he looks at me sternly saying "you're still going to church??? with all those crowds of people? No wonder you got sick." Sigh...! To make sure my "flu" was not chemo related I was instructed to give "samples" to make sure. Joy joy. At least my counts were good...except I am apparently anemic now and needed an iron IV that day. So, I sits for an hour and a half as this liquid that looks like blended steak is dripped into my port. An hour into my session I lost my apple juice to the waste bin. Poor nurse, she was probably thinking she's going to end up getting whatever I got having to clean up! To my relief they decided to give me some anti-nausea and help me with my urges. Half hour later I am free to go but I can barely walk because the anti-nausea they gave me makes you super drowsy and you have to have a ride home. I hate being drowsy...its the feeling that your conscious but so sleepy and I almost wish I hadn't gotten the stuff until I finally got home to sleep the rest of the day away. At least now that I have had the flu I probably wont get it again.

Per my Doctors instructions, I can no longer attend church services with "people" until my treatment is done. I talked to my pastor and he agreed that an online streaming of church services would be a good option for me at this point. I am super bummed about this, I don't like living like a hermit away from people and fun things to do. At least I am allowed to go outside into the fresh air where I shouldn't be able to catch anything. You hear that Washington? I need good weather now or I will go stir crazy with cabin fever!!! Going to work should be okay as long as people are not sick and I can stay in my cube away from people. Sigh!!!! This has gotten a lot harder now...if you cant tell I am frustrated. I want so much to have my normal life back without the paranoia, without the fatigue, without the feeling like poo. But, I will take whats given to me because I am tough like that. Every set back, every ache, pain and hurt I look at it and think..."I must be strong enough for that to happen to me because God said he wouldn't give me more than I can bear and I just got handed a whopper!" So you grit your teeth, cry a little, wipe the tears, shoot a prayer towards heaven and keep on rolling. What else can you do? What option do you have but to go forward? I will not be defeated, I will not lay down in surrender because this cancer will not conquer me and the devil sure wont either! This battle I have found is 5% physically at 95% mental. Knowing that now, my perspective has changed on how I live. I hit my knees in prayer more, read my Bible more and think positive. But Oh! I am looking forward to the day when I can look back on all of this and see the magnificent hand of God.

Shannon

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

God is a Healer

I want to say that without God in my life, I would be a hopeless case. He has done so much for me that I couldn't tell you it all because half of it I don't even know. I want to thank him for healing. Last Monday when I was scheduled for chemo I was turned away because my counts were way too low...under 200. I was given an emergency recovery shot that day and the next to boost my counts and was told to stay away from people, wear a mask and wash wash wash those hands! Its a bit scary when you think that a common cold could wipe you out at that point and I didn't even feel like my counts were low. I spent the whole week paranoid of people sneezing, coughing and even touching me. I felt like a leper with my face mask on in public, but I knew it was either my discomfort or getting very sick. I did a blood draw that Sunday and hoped and prayed that my counts were up so I could take my chemo that Monday (yesterday). No emergency phone calls from the Doctor telling me to stay home or anything so when Monday came around I was anxious to find out the results. But I had faith. My church prayed for me and I felt something different happen to me so I knew in the back of my mind that everything was okay. My doctor examined me and told me I was cleared for chemo! Not a day too soon, I was starting to get some of the symptoms back that I had before chemo. The nurse looked at me and asked me..."Do you want to know what your counts were?" And I said oh yeah! "Well, they were good, really, really good! Those recovery shots really did well with you." I thought to myself...you have no idea! God is my recovery shot! The nurse handed me a print out of my blood test and pointed to a number and said "your counts went up to 7.38 which means 7,380!" That apparently is on the high part of the scale, I only needed to be at a 1 or 1,000 to take chemo. Who says God doesn't heal his children when they pray? I might not be fully healed right now, but God has a reason why I am going through this. He gives me strength for the day and peace through the storm. I want to thank all those that have been praying for me. Many of you pray for me daily and I don't have words to tell you how much that means to me. Pretty soon all of those prayers will be stacked up so high before God that he will have to do something. God has provided for me through all of this too. Many people have given me food and gifts and not realized how needed they were. I feel like such a let down when I am too tired to make dinner...all those meals have been lifesavers! My husband has been so kind to go get food now too or finally learn how to make something himself (hehe). Thank you all you people! (Even to accommodate me with my no cheese diet!). There truly is blessings on this broken road :).

Hair update...
Well, I have lost probably half the volume of my hair now...for those of you who know my hair that is quite a lot. But, as thick as my hair is, I still am not bald! You cant tell yet that I have lost hair but the way the hair loss is going, I would not be surprised if I am bald within a week. I feel like all my life that my hair has identified me as a person because I was always the girl with the really long hair. I always thought that it was one of my strongest assets and what made me pretty. God himself says that a women's hair is her glory. I can say that I have mourned for my hair. I didn't even realize I was doing so till I realized I went from shock, sadness, anger and then acceptance. That really has been the story of my journey. It was only when I got to acceptance that I was at peace. I am not giving in to cancer, I am acknowledging it so I can fight it. I am learning how to take care of myself and finding ways to combat stress. The biggest help in my life right now is my support system and I want to thank them for rallying for me with prayer, help and for just listening to me when I have to vent. Thank you Mom for cleaning my house! Thank you Jaime for being the loving and supportive husband and for holding me when I cry. Thankyou Aaron and Rachel for always having me in your prayers. Thank you to my pastor for carrying my burden in prayer. Thankyou Crystal for all the gifts! Thank you Sharon, Angie, Monica and Mom for the yummy foods. And thank you God for being my healer.

Love,
Shannon

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Feeling pretty good....

Well, chemo week was killer in the fatigue department...having to work my regular work schedule Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday nearly killed me (so I thought). My work load was out of control but because I am a financial processing ninja, I made it through. I am learning that I need to pace myself when I feel so fatigued because my energy comes in bursts and fizzles out just as quickly. Some very good things happened though that let me know the chemo is doing its job. My neck which was so swollen that if you touched it, it would feel like a aired up soccer ball, has shrunk down to its normal size except for a small squishy bump like it had before. I can now take in deep breaths without feeling like something is squishing my throat and for the most part the horrible intense itching and rashes on my skin have gone away except what is still healing. I had weird twitching in my legs when I would lay down at night called nerve-apathy that would not let me get to sleep and now that seems to be gone too. The start of this week on Sunday, I felt like I was my old self again. No more fatigue or just overall weirdness feelings. My thinking was clear and I didn't feel the need to take so many naps. I don't know what I would do if I had to do chemo every week...I probably would not be able to work.I am definitely grateful for the week off before my next chemo this Monday.

So far, I have not noticed any hair loss whatsoever. Even when I brush my hair I get some hairs in my hairbrush but nothing of any significance. This next chemo could wipe my head bald for all I know, but for now I am enjoying the hair on my head with new-found appreciation! My mom though has been researching wigs for me and looking them up on Ebay and the intranet to find out what type and color matching my existing hair more correctly. I even went and had a wig consultation to see what my options are out there...kind of depressing I know! My doctor even wrote a "prescription" for a wig in case my insurance will cover part of the cost since a real wig is not cheap. Were talking hundreds of dollars for a full wig...who knew? I am hoping to never use that "prescription" but I have to be realistic. So, just for kicks...lets have a survey to see what wig I should get! See below:




 Fruit turban
                                                                             Pink Beehive




 Really long light brown hair with curl
                                                                                            



                                                                          Blue Afro



 Mowhawk
                                                           




                                                                 long dark brown hair with curl




More straight brown hair
                                                              




                                                                Super curly brown hair






Monday is my second chemo treatment and I expect I will feel the same as the last one but I wont know for sure. I want to thank everybody for their prayers, gifts of food and overall support as I go through this journey. I am feeling optimistic and strong right now, both mentally and physically, but I still need your prayers. For until I hear the words "your cured" I cant stop fighting. If God is with me, who can stand against me? I lean on him and draw strength from his promises. Love you my friends and family!


Shannon

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Oh yes...the first chemo!

Well, I have survived! what an experience this has been so far. I am learning of a new depth of trust with God to lead me through this, and frankly I would go mad without knowing that he loves me, will never forsake me, and will never give me more than I can bear. I have to hold onto that everyday for strength. I am so thankful for my family and friends, for everyone who is praying for me and holding me up. My mom has been such a huge rock in my life. She has been to almost every doctors appointment, helping me to ask questions and get understanding on how I need to take care of myself and how to deal with this. She had to go through this already when my dad Steve was diagnosed so she has a lot of insight into the whole process. I couldn't of asked for a better mom and dad!

The low down...

I got to my doctors at 9am Monday morning to start my first chemotherapy treatment and hunkered down for the next five hours!!! The nurse sat me down in a comfy recliner, put a pre-warmed blanket over me, and took my vitals... Jaime sat in a chair next to me and then began the waiting game. A pharmacist came and went over some of the side affects to the different chemo I would be taking and went over my lab results and asked me questions on my current health (i.e. temperature, eating, resting). Then she orders me up a nice shot that I was not expecting for birth control. Nice.... I guess I don't want to get pregnant while doing this perhaps. And then...more waiting. An hour later I get started on some anti-nausea after they accessed my port and I wait another half hour while that drips into me. Next up...happy juice! Or "anti-anxiety" given on the first treatment for my poor nerves. That made me feel really good...I started laughing about bananas with Jaime, I don't remember what I said even now! Next up they began to give me a test dose of the first chemo, I don't remember the name...maybe called Dacarbazine, but apparently some people get a bad reaction to it when they initially get it injected. No problem there...half hour goes by and I wait. The next chemo the nurse injects by hand into my line with DOXOrubicin or what she called "the red devil". This is the one that will cause me to lose my hair and probably the most side effects. That one went down fine. Next two up, each a half hour were Bleomycin and Vinblastine. For one of these I had to suck on ice so it would stop the chemo from coming into the veins in my mouth area where it could give me mouth sores. Last but not least, they gave me the remaining dose of Dacarbazine which I did just so fine with and a half hour later I am done!!!! Oh happy joy! 5 hours, 5 bathroom breaks and very hungry, I get to leave.

The after...

Oh WOW. I have never know fatigue quite like I felt after the chemo. I felt like my body was jello and that my bones would not hold up. At least I did not throw up though! The weirdest feeling...I wanted to sleep so bad but my mind was still awake. So, the rest of the afternoon I just laid down and drank lots and lots of water! Its very important to drink water so my kidneys don't fail from the toxic cancer cells that are destroyed. but, I made it through like a good trooper!

Thank you everyone for your support and prayers...for food sent over (thanks Sharon) and just for being there. Continue to pray for me and fight this with me!

Shannon

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Game On!!!

I do believe God is teaching me patience...by drowning me in it! Oh, but I guess it is all worth it, I think? I am glad to finally now know where this road is taking me and I have a clearer understanding of where I am going to end up. Monday made this experience very real to me when I went in for surgery for my port placement. I now have a bump on my upper chest that will be for specifically accessing my main arteries to flow in all the chemo they want to give me! Do I sound excited? I actually am. If you can imagine knowing that something will make you dramatically better by the first dose you would want it too. I am not excited however for the side effects to ensue, but there is a price to pay for everything. I most likely will have to say goodbye to my long luscious locks of hair and start doting a trendy head scarf. I will most likely be tired and grumpy...hehe. Other things could happen but I know that no matter what I face, God is surely by my side and he must think I am strong to put me through this. My hats (and hair) are off to all my predecessors in this noble fight! Let the games begin!

The Game Plan...

Tuesday I went in to see my Oncologist to find out my treatment plan and what all my testings came up with. A HUGE HALLELUIAH that my bone marrow came back negative for cancer. The other scans showed that the cancer is still concentrated in my chest and neck area and nothing below! The doctor was able to now stage me and he said I am at a "2" but a very big "2". This means that he will treat me as if I am at stage 3 only because the lymph-nodes are so big although still in one area. Monday I begin my first dose of chemo which will be a very intense concoction but will dramatically shrink my lymph-nodes and alleviate my current symptoms of itchy skin, night sweats and a lot of discomfort. I don't know exactly how I will fair but mostly likely it will knock me out for the day. I'm taking Tuesday off work too just in case its too much. I will be receiving chemo every-other week just one time that week for 4 to 6 cycles. That is the equivalent to 4 to 6 months of chemo. To top that off like a cherry, they have ordered me up 3 solid weeks of radiation to make sure this cancer is a goner! luckily for me, the radiation should be half the dose that most other cancer patients get only because of the type that I have. Some of the downsides to the radiation is the possibility of getting other types of cancer like breast cancer or certain neck cancers. These likelihoods are low, but I will be at a higher risk than most people.

I understand that the doctors have to disclose to you everything that could go wrong. For all of that, I simply look heavenward and give a nod. Yep, my God can take care of those things for me when I have no control of them myself. Do I have to lose my hair? No...I will prepare myself in case it does happen but will rejoice in an answered prayer when it doesn't. I don't know why God has put me on this road, but isn't he the author and finisher of our faith? I can only trust him that he knows what he's up to. I can only imagine what it was like for Job. "Have you considered my servant Job?" God says. The devil reply's " You have a hedge around him...let me touch his person and he will curse you" but Job did not curse God. Even when he had no clue in the world why this happened, he came out victorious after enduring the hardship.

When you pray for me, and PLEASE pray for me...pray that I will sail through the chemo treatment without the unnecessary side effects. Pray that I will qualify for financial aid since insurance will not cover everything. And pray that God will give me courage and strength for not only me, but for my husband and other family members to endure this with me. Fight with me!

Shannon

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Learning Endurance

You may wonder why I named this blog "Blessings on a Broken Road" being that how could cancer ever be a blessing. I tear up as I am writing this because not that I am sad, but that I have experienced what it feels like to be so wholly loved by God, family and friends in the outpouring of support as I go through this. My personal walk with God is so much stronger and I turn to him for everything now. My family has come together in such a tighter way now, ill feelings put aside and I feel that if this was all that came from this, it would be worth it all. God has his plan for me, for my life, and I told him, I would do anything he wanted me to. I would be the sacrificial lamb. I wont have to walk this road alone, and that gives me strength. But, this journey will have to teach me how to endure. Already I feel so overwhelmed with doctors appointments, testings and surgery that sometimes I throw my arms down in surrender. I have even gone to yelling in the car when no one is around just to relieve stress (don't judge...you should try it!). No, I am not mad! I am learning endurance.

Upcoming testings...

For the next two weeks, I am facing more testing. Some of them, I don't know why they need, but oh well I will do it :). They have tested my lungs because the chemo I will be taking will damage them. They are testing my heart to make sure there isn't any abnormalities in its beating. I am getting a full body scan where i have to eat steak, broccoli, eggs, mushrooms and chicken the day before and nothing else. I have to go in for surgery to get a port implant so they can give me chemo without damaging my arm blood veins. And then, after all of this, I get to talk to my doctor about the results from my bone marrow biopsy and a treatment plan. I have such high respects for the cancer survivors that have gone through this already...I had no idea. But oh! I am truly learning endurance.

When you pray for me, please pray that my bone marrow biopsy comes back negative for cancer cells, and that all my testing comes back good, that I am healthy and strong enough to begin chemo.

Thanks for all your support, kind words and encouragement. Fight this with me.

Shannon

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

God Will Bless This Broken Road

For my friends and family who don't know, I would like to tell you about a big thing that has happened in my life and through this blog, share with you this new road I must follow. Recently I have been diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma which is curable but will require tough treatment and time for healing. I am in high spirits that I will make it through this and be okay. Once this is all over, I will look back and be able to see the hand of God through it all. But, as of now, I am at the beginning of this broken road and I take strength knowing that I will not have to do this alone.

How it all started...

Seven to Eight months ago after doing some vigorous yard work in the heat, I noticed i had a squishy bump on my neck the next day when i woke up. Thinking I had a allergic reaction to pollen or something in the yard i waited for it to recede and thought i would be okay. The bump did seem to go down and so I marked it off to being just what I thought it was and went on with life. I started getting a cold and the bump came back again...again I though, "This is how my body is dealing with being sick" but I decided to go to Urgent Care anyway after the cold went away. The doctor gave me some antibiotics in hopes it was a bacterial infection, which I took, but the bump did not go away. She told me to give it two to three weeks for results and I thought, that must be what was wrong since the bump went down to almost nothing in that time. Life was busy, work was busy and I tried to get used to the squishy bump on my neck that swelled up and then receded. I finally did have enough of it and decided to finally get a doctor and have them take a look at it. Luckily for me, my new doctor immediately ordered a CT scan of the bump and that is what started it all. The doctor calls me right after the scan results came to them telling me that they were referring me to an Oncologist immediately because the results of the CT scan came back as "suspiciously like lymphoma". I went to the bathroom at work and cried. I wait two weeks till my next doctors visit which feels like eternity. I am stressed, emotional and anxious. I am hoping they are wrong, that this is just allergies. Finally I get to the Oncologist and I can barely sit down in the office. I pace, drink up all their water  and fidget when I finally sit down. They make it even worse when they put a medical bracelet around my wrist and make me fill out paperwork. Finally I get called in and the nurse takes my temperature, which is high, my blood pressure, which is high, and asks me weird questions about symptoms I think in my mind I might have but am so stressed I don't know. The poor nurse looked at me knowing i am about to lose it and i did. To make me feel better, she gives me some graham crackers because stupid me, I decided to fast that day and was light headed. I calm down enough for the Oncologist to come in to a sane person and find him a happy jovial Asian man with a thick accent. I am set at ease more but then I brace myself for the news I don't want to hear, but hear it I do. " You have Lymphoma".

Testing...

 After my initial visit I am bounced around to another doctor who will perform a biopsy on my squishy bump. Here I am met with a Six foot Five skinny man with a lab coat. He proceeds to tell me that in order to diagnose me further and start treatment, they need to know what type of Lymphoma I have. The biopsy is scheduled for two days out and I get bounced down to the Lab where they take six vials of my blood for more testings!!!! I have had it already and I have barely even begun! The biopsy was performed and they sliced open my neck and extracted a sizable tissue chunk for testing. Poor me, I couldn't move my head any direction for a few days...forget showering. After four days of recuperating, I go in for another CT scan of the rest of my body. I had to fast and drink nasty orange flavored fluid so i can become glow in the dark. The results of the scan are sent to my Oncologist and the waiting game begins again. In the mean time, the Oncologist sets me up for another biopsy, this one for my bone marrow for further testing. This is what i conquered today...

Testing results...

Today at my bone marrow biopsy my Oncologist informed me that results from the tissue biopsy and CT scan came back. I have Hodgkins Lymphoma, but Praise God, the CT scan showed none of it in any other parts of my body. In Fourteen days, I find out the results from my bone marrow biopsy and with a flurry of other testing in the mean time, I will meet with them to start talking about my treatment plan.

So I ask of you my family and friends. Pray for me, I have a difficult road ahead to walk and will need as many hands holding mine as i can get. Thank you for all your support. I will fight this, fight with me.